Thursday, December 17, 2009

Yule Logs and Other Delights

My kids and I were watching Craig Ferguson the other night, laughing our asses off, as usual. (Don’t worry, I know the Scottish Conan comes on super late. Rest assured, we were watching in Tivo.) Craig Ferguson was standing up in front of the audience by himself, telling jokes, and I thought it was the funniest stuff the comic had thrown out there in a while. And not just because I was downing one of my best margarita recipe drinks.

“This, um… um… log thing… um… what’s it called? It’s funny!” I said.
“Monologue?” my daughter asked.
“Yeah, that’s it!”

To which both kids started giving me a hard time, like I was some old man with Alzheimer’s. How could I forget a word like monologue?

“There aren’t that many log words in the world,” my daughter said.

Oh, no?! Consider the gauntlet thrown!!!

Yule log – a big log that Europeans burn in their big-ass hearth right around this time of year. Perfect for spooning and snuggling on a bearskin rug (Northern Europe!), sipping Schnapps and Jaeger tea. Check the WPIX yule log video. If that doesn't get you in the spirit...

Duraflame log – our skanky American fire log counterpart to a yule log. Perfect for downing a Coors light, then heading into the other room to watch the game.

Web-log – haha!! Of course, these logs are near and dear to a lot of us. Whether you like a Hot Dad’s blog, a single parent blog, a sex and relationship blog, a sassy single woman blog, or whatever. Web-logs rock!

Log-arithm – some old-school math concept I knew back when I was handsome and young, as opposed to sexy and old. With Alzheimer’s!

Ana-log – another one of those concepts I used to describe in mathematical terms. Now I just say that digital is ones and zeros, and analog is like the curves of a fine ass woman.

Big log – who can forget the Robert Plant song? Go on, play it. You know you want to hear it again.

Lincoln log – remember those? Back when kids played with toys and other manipulative objects, rather than sneaking off to go on Facebook or play video games?

Log-gers – not that I’m into lumberjacks or cutting down trees, I’m just extremely competitive when it comes to my teen daughter and her gauntlets thrown.

Log - urban dictionary lists a ton of different meanings for log, one of which you might send in a dirty text.

I could rattle off some potty humor and pinch off another log or two. But I’m a Hot Dad, and we know how to keep things couth.

Now then, if only I knew how to end this blogging monologue. Are there log-istics for that?


MindyMom said...

That must've been a really GOOD margarita! ;)

Fun post, David.

Nicki said...

You are hysterical. And it sounds like a night with my kids. I love it!

Danielle said...

It has been enjoyable having this diaLOG with you today!

TentCamper said...

Boy.... If I responded to ever teen gauntlet thrown, there would be quite the back-log. There is no cata-log which tells how to end a monologue...

flog, clog, loganberry, waterlog, travelog, prolog...

Hope these help your cause!!

Senorita said...

You are right, Duraflames are skanky.

I bet that you have big log that you tell the ladies about !

Not a soccer mom said...

you didn't even mention B-log???
what is this world coming to?
funny post.

Points for the old and sexy

Daddy Geek Boy said...

Don't forget this one:

Probably my favorite log.

Mama Llama said...

Oh my...time to LOG out now (ba-da--ching)

Be well, Dads.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha! I am dying over here! I seriously LOVE YOUR posts. I am such a lurker. I comment rarely but couldn't resist this one. :)

Just me... said...

Good ones!! Now, to settle back with a nice, warm mug of glogg.... :)~

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Missty said...

And you can't forget Chevy's DIALOG in Christmas Vacation, about the Log, as in Yule Log.

"(laughs) I was just looking at something for my wife, god rest her soul."
Mary: "Oh god, I'm so sorry."
Clark: "Oh no no no, she's not dead. We're just divorced. She's history. And, obviously she doesn't wear underwear. And, there are plenty of shopping days left until aduteries - adulthood - which is to say christmas, as in yule, yule log. Not a log, I don't have a log. I mean you know. If I had a log, not in the sence that you think I said I did. (laughs) Good golly. Tis the season to be merry."
Mary: "That,s my name."
Clark: "No Shit"

Anonymous said...

Oh, Dave. Always a link-fest when reading your posts. Still, though, I think I'll stop reading now, 'cause I need to go drop a log.

Ilina said...

You so gave your teenager a good verbal flogging.

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