Yule Logs and Other Delights

My kids and I were watching Craig Ferguson the other night, laughing our asses off, as usual. (Don’t worry, I know the Scottish Conan comes on super late. Rest assured, we were watching in Tivo.) Craig Ferguson was standing up in front of the audience by himself, telling jokes, and I thought it was the funniest stuff the comic had thrown out there in a while. And not just because I was downing one of my best margarita recipe drinks.

“This, um… um… log thing… um… what’s it called? It’s funny!” I said.
“Monologue?” my daughter asked.
“Yeah, that’s it!”

To which both kids started giving me a hard time, like I was some old man with Alzheimer’s. How could I forget a word like monologue?

“There aren’t that many log words in the world,” my daughter said.

Oh, no?! Consider the gauntlet thrown!!!

Yule log – a big log that Europeans burn in their big-ass hearth right around this time of year. Perfect for spooning and snuggling on a bearskin rug (Northern Europe!), sipping Schnapps and Jaeger tea. Check the WPIX yule log video. If that doesn't get you in the spirit...

Duraflame log – our skanky American fire log counterpart to a yule log. Perfect for downing a Coors light, then heading into the other room to watch the game.

Web-log – haha!! Of course, these logs are near and dear to a lot of us. Whether you like a Hot Dad’s blog, a single parent blog, a sex and relationship blog, a sassy single woman blog, or whatever. Web-logs rock!

Log-arithm – some old-school math concept I knew back when I was handsome and young, as opposed to sexy and old. With Alzheimer’s!

Ana-log – another one of those concepts I used to describe in mathematical terms. Now I just say that digital is ones and zeros, and analog is like the curves of a fine ass woman.

Big log – who can forget the Robert Plant song? Go on, play it. You know you want to hear it again.

Lincoln log – remember those? Back when kids played with toys and other manipulative objects, rather than sneaking off to go on Facebook or play video games?

Log-gers – not that I’m into lumberjacks or cutting down trees, I’m just extremely competitive when it comes to my teen daughter and her gauntlets thrown.

Log - urban dictionary lists a ton of different meanings for log, one of which you might send in a dirty text.

I could rattle off some potty humor and pinch off another log or two. But I’m a Hot Dad, and we know how to keep things couth.

Now then, if only I knew how to end this blogging monologue. Are there log-istics for that?