My kids and I were watching Craig Ferguson the other night, laughing our asses off, as usual. (Don’t worry, I know the Scottish Conan comes on super late. Rest assured, we were watching in Tivo.) Craig Ferguson was standing up in front of the audience by himself, telling jokes, and I thought it was the funniest stuff the comic had thrown out there in a while. And not just because I was downing one of my best margarita recipe drinks.
“This, um… um… log thing… um… what’s it called? It’s funny!” I said.
“Monologue?” my daughter asked.
“Yeah, that’s it!”
To which both kids started giving me a hard time, like I was some old man with Alzheimer’s. How could I forget a word like monologue?
“There aren’t that many log words in the world,” my daughter said.
Oh, no?! Consider the gauntlet thrown!!!
Yule log – a big log that Europeans burn in their big-ass hearth right around this time of year. Perfect for spooning and snuggling on a bearskin rug (Northern Europe!), sipping Schnapps and Jaeger tea. Check the WPIX yule log video. If that doesn't get you in the spirit...
Duraflame log – our skanky American fire log counterpart to a yule log. Perfect for downing a Coors light, then heading into the other room to watch the game.
Web-log – haha!! Of course, these logs are near and dear to a lot of us. Whether you like a Hot Dad’s blog, a single parent blog, a sex and relationship blog, a sassy single woman blog, or whatever. Web-logs rock!
Log-arithm – some old-school math concept I knew back when I was handsome and young, as opposed to sexy and old. With Alzheimer’s!
Ana-log – another one of those concepts I used to describe in mathematical terms. Now I just say that digital is ones and zeros, and analog is like the curves of a fine ass woman.
Big log – who can forget the Robert Plant song? Go on, play it. You know you want to hear it again.
Lincoln log – remember those? Back when kids played with toys and other manipulative objects, rather than sneaking off to go on Facebook or play video games?
Log-gers – not that I’m into lumberjacks or cutting down trees, I’m just extremely competitive when it comes to my teen daughter and her gauntlets thrown.
Log - urban dictionary lists a ton of different meanings for log, one of which you might send in a dirty text.
I could rattle off some potty humor and pinch off another log or two. But I’m a Hot Dad, and we know how to keep things couth.
Now then, if only I knew how to end this blogging monologue. Are there log-istics for that?
The Boy and the Pine Forest - One day, his parents drove him several hours outside of the city and the place that he knew as home. They passed by meadows, farms and forests on the way t...