Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Can You Overcome Cheating?

Tiger Woods

David Letterman

Leann Rimes

Shaquille O'Neal

Charlie Sheen

Fred Flintstone (please...he TOTALLY was bangin' Betty on the side)

There is obviously a problem with celebrity men and their libidos. I mean, it would take all of 60 seconds to add another five names to that list (and not just men, either!). So the question isn't why people cheat, because they do. There are a thousand different reasons for a thousand different people who have cheated on a spouse or significant other. You simply can't put a finger on it and call it a day.

But what about us "regular folk"? I know that people cheat every day. It's just a sucky fact of life. Does everybody cheat? No...but even a couple of my favorite bloggers have admitted to infidelity issues in the past. So it's obviously not just an issue for the rich and famous.

David Letterman's wife has apparently decided to work with him to maintain their marriage. Tiger Woods' wife seems destined for divorce. Where would YOU stand if you found out that your significant other was cheating on you?

Is there a way that a person could gain forgiveness for an indescretion? What if it was just a one-night stand? What if it was a long-term relationship that they want to end to remain with you? Is your case simply a one-strike-and-you're-out rule? Depending on the situation, can you find in your heart to forgive?

Maybe the term "overcome cheating" is wrong. Maybe it makes cheating sound okay but that there's a work-around of some sort that helps one "overcome" obstacle that arise from cheating. Maybe this should be turned around on the victim...the person who was actually cheated on.

What would it take for you to get over your significant other cheating on you?

And what's more, why does "celebrity cheating" get so much bloody attention? Why are infidelities publicized so much? My thought is that paparazzi sites like TMZ.com want to prove to the world that celebrities are human, too...so maybe they shouldn't be admired or looked up to afterall. In that sense, I suppose I don't have too much of a problem with the coverage. On the other hand, TMZ is so bloody sleezy that it's difficult to read sometimes. They just go for the jugular and have zero issue with the shoddy "journalism" they provide the public.

Of course, in Tiger's case maybe it's justified (my last count was 14!!).

So how 'bout it Hot Dad readers? Have you ever been cheated on? Could you overcome someone cheating on you? What if you cheated on somebody you loved? How would you get forgiveness? Could you get it??

Hey everyone, Sage here, CBG graciously allowed me to add to his post. There is a Hot Mamma who could REALLY use a lil love about right now, so why don't y'all hit her up and give a hug or someting Sandi, thanks in advance!!!


The Peach Tart said...

I have cheated and was cheated on in the past. In both cases forgiveness eventually came after some counseling and time. As far as Tiger....if it was one maybe two but 14. There are obviously some issues that need to be addressed.

ShellSpann said...

I kicked my ex husbands ass to the curb when I found out he cheated. I took him back for a short amount of time and then I realized that I would never trust him again and that if he didn't think I was worth being faithful, then he was a waste of my time. After a month of me attempting to forgive, I realized I never could. And three years later, I don't regret a thing. If I wouldn't have left him, I wouldn't have met an amazing man that treats me like gold. Cheating happens, but if another man cheats on me - I'll do the same thing I did to my ex husband for sure.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Nope, my daughter's father cheated on me and as soon as I found out I kicked his cheatin' ass to the curb also. Ba bye.

Big City Dad said...

Great post CBG. For me, infidelity in a marriage is unforgivable. I have first hand experience at this as my Ex had an affair with a married man. That affair continues to this day and to my knowledge the married man’s wife does not know. She may though. I know who they are and while we don’t run in the same social circle, we’re only one step removed. Ex refuses to admit her infidelity during our marriage but it has been confirmed to me by two of her friends who were disgusted with her behavior and thought I should know. I feel sorry for this guy’s wife. They have twin baby girls who are less than a year old, which means he was cheating on her while she was pregnant. Dirtbag.

Here’s the thing…in my marriage, infidelity by me or by Ex was wrong because we decided together that it was so. We discussed it and while she did grow up in France where such indiscretions are many times overlooked, we talked about it at length both prior to marriage and during and both agreed that it was off limits. Period. No concept of open marriage, no “just once is okay.” Never, not once, completely unforgivable. Our reasoning for this was simple: if I respect my spouse as my life partner and best friend, crossing that line destroys every bit of trust and respect that had been built. My personal reasoning is that I wouldn’t be able to do it and live with mysefl and therefore expect that same from my partner. She knew this, did it anyway, and thus, end of story and marriage. I can’t answer the question of if it was only once would I have forgiven it because that’s not the way it happened. It was over the course of several months and has continued almost two years later.

Simply put, in a relationship with me, using my morals and values, the cheater is wrong, period. But wrong is in the eyes of the beholder. My hard line probably doesn’t work for everyone and that’s great for them, really. It has to work that way for my partner though because that’s the level of commitment I give and therefore expect in return.

TentCamper said...

I personally think that (generally speaking) once a person cheats...the relationship is/should be over. I know that there are 'bad times' and many temptations out there, but those bad times need to be discussed and worked through. once a person makes the decision to cheat...they have mentally ended the relationship.

Kids make the situation very hard...but that is why people need to think about the kids BEFORE deciding to cheat.

I cheated...kind of..
After I knew that my marriage was over and had made up my mind that I was leaving my wife (ex) I began dating Mariah...yes, before I moved out and before I was divorced...but I knew that there was nothing left with my ex and I.

I would not forgive cheating easily...if at all.

Candice said...

A friend of mine caught her husband cheating and stayed with him. To this day she doesn't trust a word he tells her, and she probably shouldn't. However, if there is no trust, is there really a marriage?

StudentMama said...

I think you can survive it, for sure. It just takes two people willing to recommit to themselves and the marriage. I believe that both people have A LOT of work to do after the infidelity occurs. For me, I had to figure out how I was attracting this pattern - it wasn't the first time it had happened to me or in our relationship. For him, it was finding out why he acted out in that way (over and over again).

I tried to stay in my marriage, but I didn't have a lot to hang onto. We spent a year in counseling but I was living in fear every day that he would go back to his affair partner. I hated that feeling.

We also realized that the affair really was a symptom of our problems - there were many problems that we weren't prepared to try to fix.

In the end, infidelity takes two individuals willing to dig into it all and I really think you can have a stronger marriage...but for me, after going what I went through - it is a deal breaker.

Nonflammable said...

Before marriage, I would probably have forgiven someone if they cheated on me. However, I've made a commitment. If my husband cheated on me it would be over. I would anticipate the same for my infidelity.

Cheating in marriage is a breach of trust I consider unforgiveable. I admire the person that can forgive. I'm sure for some it makes the relationship stronger. It's just not something I could do.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

You know how they say that once a car has been in an accident it's never the same, even if it can be repaired? It's not as strong or sturdy as it was. My marriage is like that. It is built on a solid foundation of trust on both sides. That trust is seriously the glue that holds us together. If one of us were to cheat, we might be able to repair the marriage, but it would never be as strong.

ZenMom said...

I had a comment. But, I decided I just want to "ditto" DGB's instead. 'Cuz it's perfect.

TentCamper said...

@ ZenMom what do you mean DGB's was perfect???? What about mine?!
Maybe I am the only one who thinks that I am brilliant

Trooper Thorn said...

Celebrity cheating gets so muc attention because people aren't interested in non-celebrity cheating.

Amber said...

I think I agree with you, CBG, about the celebrity cheating, and the reason why it's so publicized.
I'm wondering if I'm a rare species or something here...
My marriage has survived cheating. Though it honestly wasn't that strong to begin with. Given time, I have gotten over it. While the trust is there it will never reach the full potential it was. I trust him with our kids, but I don't fully trust him with me. I don't even know if that makes sense.
After looking back, our marriage is stronger now because we cleared up the issues that were there when the infidelity began.
I always thought I'd be a kick em to the curb kinda gal too, but when it came down to it, I just didn't have what it took to do that.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I know of marriages that have worked when one or the other partner has cheated... but the say it was just "sex" and not emotionally cheating.

But I'm with the rest of you. It breaks a trust that is not easily built back up because always at the back of your mind you wonder.

But if someone takes a person back for cheating then they have to commit to fully letting it go or again...it will never work.

I've never cheated, but when I was dating I was cheated on. it was easy to leave that.. but with my husband, i will admit, it would be extremely hard not to take him back... I love him so much and have bonded, connected, and been through so much with him.... just thinking about not having him around makes me sad and so I'm unsure I could be so strong as to just kick him to the curb.

Wow... I'm everywhere on this comment. Celebrities cheating isn't that big of a deal even anymore... it's almost more of a shock if you hear of them lasting longer then a few months or even a few years!!!

Great post.

Web Hosting said...

How can someone overcome the guilt of cheating on a girlfriend once ?

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