Friday, August 28, 2009

Friday Funnies


Well I thought I'd send y'all to the weekend with some funnies!

Love Letters

A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table:

'To My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you, and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18-year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset I shall be back home before midnight.'

When the man came home late that night he found the following letter on the dining room table:

WIFE`S LETTER

'To My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you're at the Comfort Inn, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your
secretary, he is 18 years old. As a successful businessman with an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference; 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

Therefore I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.'

hehehehe mean ole woman!



I HAVE MET HER, HAVEN'T YOU ?

SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST
4
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.

As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a
Sumo wrestler.
He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,
'YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?'
4All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'

Bwahahahahahhaha


If you don't love at least one Redneck Thinker you oughta!

Subject: Foolproof security system: I LOVE THIS.
Only time this doesn't work is when the intruders are illiterate.

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM WHEN ON A BUDGET:

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine, and several NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba, Big Jim, and Duke

Slim and I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls--they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
PS--I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.

INSTALLATION COMPLETE!!!!

Redneck Security Company


I hope y'all have a big ole weekend!! I think I posted in Sageville and on the relationship blog Real World Mars Vs Venus. Check those out if you are bored!!!

12 comments:

T said...

Greatness! All of it! I LOVE that first pic. WOW!

Have a great weekend Sexy Cowboy!

Brandy said...

LMAO! That was just what I needed to start my weekend.

Have a good one!

Lil Bit said...

That first pic is a KEEPER. *snag* lol

I've heard all 3 of those jokes before, but somehow you still got me to laugh, with the bitch slap image. lol

ps. Heading to Mars/Venus now. =)

Southern Sage said...

Glad ya'll sniggered!!!!

Lorac said...

Thanks for the laff's! Love the security system. I may try it. My neighbours would think I was wacked!

Mom said...

Dude, I did NOT say you could use that pic of me pulling the chariot! WTF?!

TentCamper said...

love it!!! Thanks my man! Done with hose shit...now I can finally chillax.

Great post

dadshouse said...

That first letter is hilarious! Love the bondage pic. I need to go running on that road..

Southern Sage said...

Lorac let me know how it works for ya!

Mom my bad I shoulda credited you!

TC drink one for me!

Dad, me and you both!

ZenMom said...

Like the home security system. :)

Not a soccer mom said...

what the?! a woman dressed as a horse?
I like the man/secretary one..hee
headed to real world venus vs mars now

Barefoot Dreamer said...

well it is still the weekend, and I did get a giggle... mission accomplished.

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