So as a few of you know, I was downtown Los Angeles today for my 9,864,567 appearance in divorce court. (The low number is due to the fact that this divorce only started in Spring of 2006.)
Anyway, as I was sitting and waiting to see the mediator and then for the judge, I took the 4 hours of ‘hall time’ to check out some of the freaks mulling about.
I hope that I don’t offend anyone reading this…it would not be my intention…but if you do get offended by this…there may be something wrong with you.
Alright, back to my being judgmental, voyeuristic…and bust plain mean.
I can’t recall what order I saw these in but here goes a glimpse of what my eyes witnessed …all before noon today:
A roughly 65 year old black woman walking down the hall, wearing baggy bright turquoise cotton pants and shirt with a train conductor style hat that looked to be made of tin foil. At first glance I thought she had some ready to eat Jiffy Pop balanced on her head.
A 50-something year old black man wearing purple basketball shoes, black jeans (with purple streaks all over, who accompanied his severe pimp walk with the use of a cane…but the cane was solely used as a sort of flare…he’d swing it up in front of him, then give it a bit of a twist (as if it were a move that he saw in some old Michael Jackson video that he thought was cool.) Oh yeah…and dangling from the end of the cane’s handle was about a 5 karat cubic zirconium, dancing itself all the way down the hall, hanging on a little 4 inch string.
A 5 foot 2 inch woman who had to weigh about 250 pounds wearing (unintentionally, I’m sure) skin tight, black pants and a big poofy, bright orange blouse…I could not help but to think ‘pumpkin’… ‘BIG pumpkin!’
A woman sitting on a bench in one of the side halls, breastfeeding her baby…and a 35 (or so) year old guy leaning against the wall on the opposite side of the hall…staring, with a creepy smirk and then he readjusted so that his file folders were in front of his crotch. (what was he trying to hide????)
A woman in her late 20’s (Persian I would guess) who had quite evidently had ‘mounds’ of work done on her large and in charge boobs. Her lips were ones that would make Lisa Rena jealous. The problem that I noticed is that SHE, not her man, wanted her to get the work done. Everything on her as she looked into a mirror, I’m sure, looked great to her. As she turned around…I notice that the woman had ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NO ASS. If a man wanted her to get cosmetic shit done to her…I assure you that he would have wanted ‘things’ proportional.
(Maybe the Dr. took her ass and shoved it into her chest and mouth.)
A mid 30’s woman, standing up against the wall across from me looking up and down the hall, (obviously waiting for someone.) She was holding her iPhone in both hands, down in front of her. Then I noticed that she kept twisting her phone back and forth…still glancing up and down the hall. Slow-ass me finally realized that she was iPhone-terbating…right there in the courthouse hallway! WTF!?
Oddly…the strangest one to me was ‘the guy’ that was lurking around the divorce court mediation office. I saw him at 7:30 AM, when I got there, talking to some woman. I thought nothing of it until she was called in and then I saw him winking as he approached some other girl waiting to get her divorce finalized. This guy was still there at 11:30 when I was leaving mediation…and he was sitting and trying to strike up a conversation with some other lady…who by the way wanted nothing to do with him.
(I suppose it is one place to meet a woman who may be in the need for a shoulder…but fuck dude!!!)
THIS, MY FRIENDS IS WHY I NEED A BLACKBERRY OR iPHONE...THEN YOU WOULD HAVE PICTURES TO GO ALONG WITH MY ATTEMPTS AT DESCRIBING THIS...HORROR.