Sunday, May 16, 2010

Sunday Slides, Funny, Caption Contest

.When girls don't put out!!
This was written by a's pretty damn smart.

Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.


One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep..

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.


1. Go Tiger!

2. It is a beautiful ocean!

3. Or any time really!

4. Yesssssssssss Honey I fixed the frickin steps!

5. hehehehe

6. Well I'll never have one of those so I suspect I'll have to rely on the other stuff.

Caption Contest!!! Surely you can leave something good in the comment box!!

There ya go! I hope your driver is winning the race and all is well in your world!


Anonymous said...

What the fuck are you looking at douchebag? Get me a damn beer for Christ's sake...

Barefoot Dreamer said...

I don't have a caption - but that little baby looks like I did when I was a baby - identical (and I am truly being serious here) Except the cigarette and the horribly messy outfit and the trashy furniture.....ok the messy hair and face of that babe looked like I used to :)

that's all. (hell- maybe it is me and that explains ALOT!!!!)

MsH said...

Why does the baby have a cigarette in her mouth? That is horrible!

I never knew that one about not meeting my emotional needs...hmmm

And who in their right mind takes a man shopping? Really? Kinda weird unless you are married.

jodi said...

Hey Youtypicalmanyou! There are a thousand theories on the differences in men and women, but I think IVE got it down. Men are put here to procreate and thus this is ALL they tend to concentrate on. Women are put here to nurture the babies and after we have 'em, are too burned out to nurture the men. So sad, but true....

Crazy Brunette said...

Well, you cock sucker!

I would have kicked your ass and handed you your balls as a parting gift!!!!

Funny shit though dude.

I never understood bitches like that either. We want sex just as much as you, we just want you fuckers to beg for the shit. Diamonds are nice too.


love the blog!

dadshouse said...

"Who took my Baby Bumpkin lighter!?"

Number 5 is pretty darn funny...

Anonymous said...

I don't have any captions but... that story is great. I'll have to get my wife with that one...

Anonymous said...

J.R. thats about right right there!

BFD: I thought that same thing!

MsH Shopping for ANYTHING a man can't eat drive shoot or screw is 100% out anytime. Straight man that is.

Anonymous said...

Jodi: that theory holds some water with me!

Crazy: I am always the cock suckee!

Dads: good one! LOL@ 5

Hads: A definite read for any wife!

Crazy Brunette said...

Oooooh, well played fucker, well played.

Keith Wilcox said...

That's good, and I really didn't see that coming. I'm like "oh, crap, this is another appeasement story." I'm happily relieved that it most certainly was NOT! :-)

Kristy said...

Good luck on getting a blow job. Ever.


Anonymous said...

Crazy Bru: its simply how I roll!

KW: glad you liked it!

Kristy: LOL
No need for luck, luck is a lady and I'm a ladies man!

Hopelessly In Love said...

I think that baby is saying:

"Damn, that was a good nap.. I need a cig"

haha.. I like these caption things. We should have one a week. Hmmm "whaddya mean wednesdays?"

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