Monday, May 24, 2010

Just Detach My Nuts Already!


I was all set on detaching my nuts immediately following the birth of our second child. I was set on it. It was a certainty. I had no doubt in my mind. My boys were all set to be free. Retiring early. And yet, now three months after our second and final kid was born, I have yet to do it. My wife is back at work now, and my boys are still in working ready to inseminate condition. Why, why have I dropped the ball, no, I mean why have I not yet dropped the balls?

I fully planned on doing it immediately after our second kid slithered out. I told everyone I knew, even perfect strangers that I was going to do it. I bragged about it to anyone that would listen. But as the weeks flew by, and the three months of maternity leave my wife had was shortening, I never called a urologist. Every time my wife would ask me if I had set an appointment, I just mumbled something to the effect of, yeah I’ll get to it, or what’s the rush.



It’s not till now, now that she has gone back to work and there’s no good time to take a few days to recover from a sharp scalpel to the nuts, that I realize I don’t want to do it just yet. Somewhere in the nether region of my unconscious, in the area they call the Shadow, I never really planned on doing it. But I didn’t know it until recently.

I have no fears about it, I am not scared to go through the procedure itself. Hell, I have had a dozen extremely painful and invasive medical procedures due to accidents, injuries, and naturally inherent abnormalities in my life. I have also visited a urologist before. He did some pretty nasty, and yet oddly enough, not so unpleasant feeling procedures in my anal and testicular region due to a still unexplained medical condition which no twenty-one year old should ever have experienced. It was the type of medical condition reserved for the geriatric generations. Don’t ask. What I am saying is that having my balls in the palm of a grown mans hand in the name of medical science is not so foreign to me. And who said letting some perfect stranger handle your balls is wrong anyway? (But hey, I didn’t say it was right either.)



What I just recently realized is this. I am afraid of the unknown. My anxiety has gotten the best of me and I have envisioned terrible things happening to my kids. Yes, I do watch way to many horror movies. But really, the fear of the unknown, the fear of what could possibly maybe happen has gotten to me. What if one of my kids dies? What if they run out into the street and get smashed by a skateboarder, or fall off a sixty foot cliff, or sit on the train tracks two blocks behind my house? What if what if what if. All the women in my family think I’m crazy, and every time I explain my answer to them, they shake their head and stop me cold. They don’t even want to hear my fears. To them it’s blasphemy to even speak of such things. But my brothers just nod their heads with understanding. Why can’t I talk about how I am afraid that a horrific accident may befall one of my kids? I know dam well that everyone, that every sane person with kids has thought about it, at least for a fleeting moment. And I never shy away from talking about what’s on my mind. But they don’t want to hear it. Their response is always that I am crazy, and I should just go ahead and chop my balls off already, well in so many words anyway.



So, I have just decided that I will wait until my kids are a little older, to get my vasectomy. I have a newborn, and you just never know what can happen. But I suppose I am waiting at least long enough to wrap my brain around it anyway. Why rush it right? Oh yeah, because we all know what happened the last time I was suppose to wear a condom. Welcome boy #1. And we all know what happened the last time my wife was on birth control and those hormones turned her into a raving mad lunatic of epic hormonal imbalance proportions. But am I being irrational? Is it okay to wait because I fear my newborn may come down with the bubonic plague and if that happens I want to be able to impregnate the wife again?

16 comments:

chocdrop said...

Don't beat yourself up over it to much. I think your decision is perfectly warranted.
I had issues getting my tubes tied for 15 years, but my heart had never changed on having more kids. I am grateful that I have finally closed the baby gates and had no more children in the long wait.

Momma Sunshine said...

I vote just do it already. Men are so sensitive about their nether regions! My man (not my husband but the man I plan on spending my future with) has been so squeamish about the whole thing, and putting it off and putting if off (despite the fact that between the two of us we have FOUR children and don't want any more), that I recently just talked to my doctor about getting a tubal. No more babies for me! And if he's not going to step up to the plate, then I guess it's gotta be me.

Men! :-p

snipped_man said...

The surgery is no big deal (I had it done after my second child) and if you get it done on a Friday, you are back to work on Monday. Also, the surgery can be reversed in the unlikely event that you want diaper duty again. Men who are afraid need to grow up, leaving birth control responsibility to your partner means your partner is taking care of another child, you.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I think your fears are warranted. I won't get my tubes tied until I'm absolutely sure and I have this birth control that has very low hormones, (I got crazy on other ones like your wife) and we don't have to wear condoms AND no periods for me.

No one had to have major surgery and we still have options.

We are young, it's way to early for me to do anything drastic even though we both have agreed we are most likely done with kids! :)

TentCamper said...

I say...just roll with it. When the time is right...you'll know it!

dadshouse said...

I don't intend to have more kids, and I also don't intend to have a vasectomy. I like my potency, and all it entails.

(I also won't get lasik... )

Crazy Brunette said...

That's what you say until you end up with 7 little assholes like the Brady Bunch.

To mothers that is BLASPHEMY!!! Even if the thought has flitted through out mom at ANY given time... IT IS NOT TO BE SPOKEN ALOUD!!!!!

Hubman said...

I got snipped 2 yrs ago, no big deal (that's what she said, lol....)

Hey, if you're not ready to commit yet, and as long as you and your partner are happy with your current form of birth control, what's there to worry about?

jodi said...

Oferpete'ssake! After seeing your wife birth TWICE, YOU are afraid? Besides, don't they do it with a laser so as not to hurt the wee wee?

Not a soccer mom said...

I had my third child by the time I was 23. I wanted a female version of the vasectomy as soon as possible.
Those were the very questions posed to me before they would so the procedure.
Very smart decision. It is permanent.

UP said...

Been there, done that!

UP

Kristy said...

When in doubt, do nothing.

Missty said...

I say wait. If your not ready your not ready. We waited till our youngest was about 5 yrs old. About a year more than I was wanting, but it worked out. And there are many things for birth control. IUD's are wonderful - put it in for 5-10 years and done. So, whe your ready, get the snip, and then have your wife have it taken out.

Good luck and dont stress. One of the best things about having it done - is stress free sex! lol No matter what birth control is used, a woman still stresses just a bit each month. Its wonderful to know you have no worries!

Joanna Cake said...

Pretty much every man I know who has had it done has never regretted it and they recover quickly from the small procedure.

But, if you're not sure, you're not sure I guess and no one should be forced to have surgery. However, if you want to have safe sex in the meantime, you shouldn't be putting the onus on the Mrs to have to start messing around with hormones either.

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