The Bus Doctor Returns

I’m not a doctor by training, but I do provide an abundance of medical expertise to people on the bus each day. As a Public Service, occasionally I pass on some of the frequently asked questions to help the readers of Hot Dads.

"Are you really a doctor"

Define the word "really". Now define the word "conundrum". Now do five knuckle push-ups.

“Is acupuncture covered by my HMO?”

Most HMO’s to not include non-traditional medicine in their benefits, but it’s best to consult your provider. If not, you can perform your own acupuncture easily and in the comfort of your own home using a wet cat dropped from 5 feet on the exposed back of the patient. Vinegar makes an inexpensive post-treatment antiseptic.

“I think I might be crazy. Am I?”
Yes.

“Can I manage my diabetes through diet and exercise alone?”
There are 2 types of diabetes: insulin-dependent and non-insulin-dependent. While proper eating and an active lifestyle are never a bad idea, insulin-dependent diabetes will usually require medication as well. However, there are several recent studies that have shown positive responses when people stop watching “Oprah”. I would expect to see a great drop in the number of new cases every year when her show goes off the air for good.


“What is that smell?”
It is the smell of one hand clapping. Now try and take the pebble from my hand Grasshopper.


“How can I know if I am masturbating too much?”
Masturbation is a healthy activity, but like everything, there is a time and place for it. If you are masturbating right now, you do it too much. Please move away from me.

“Are you crazy?”
No. Would a crazy person admit they were crazy? Wait… maybe I am then? No, we are not crazy. Who said that? I did. You mean “Me”? Sure, but don’t tell anyone.