Stuff I Learned From My Teens (and I Wish I Hadn't)

Over the weekend, my two teenage sons taught me some sexual lingo I had never heard of. The circumstances for how this conversation came about are irrelevant but once the door was opened with a description of "felching", it was a rush by each of them to share their knowledge of the slang for acts so bizarre, I couldn't help but listen.

Now, I was never the most adventurous fornicator in my youth and that has not changed into adulthood. There are a handful of basic positions that seem to do the job in the Pleasure Department. I have never had the desire to "experiment" to any great degree but, while not being a prude, I don't deny the right of others to practice whatever they want as long as it does no harm to their partner.

Furthermore, I had no reason to believe either boy had any direct experience with any the following but their enthusiasm was matched only by my revulsion as they described:

• felching: The act of sucking semen from your partner's anus
• dirty sanchez: The act of wiping your partner's fecal matter across her upper lip
• donkey punch: The act of punching your partner in the back of the head while penetrating anally, thereby increasing the force of the anal contractions
• rusty trombone: The act of analingus by while masturbating your partner (mimicking the slide of a trombone with the penis)

As you might guess, the language above is my translation of their description. Once I learned that these acts even exist (and can never unlearn) I had to wonder how a practice I cold never imagine in the first place was common enough to even have a nickname? Should I have come up with any of these, and had the guts to suggest trying it to my partner, I would certainly never share it with the outside world.

However, it would seem that not only are there enough people "doing" them, they occur enough to give them a nickname. Rather than say "He, I took dump on my girlfriend's chest last night," a person need only say " I did a Cleveland Steamer on my girlfriend."

Am I the only one surprised by this?

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