Monday, January 31, 2011

Stuff I Learned From My Teens (and I Wish I Hadn't)

Over the weekend, my two teenage sons taught me some sexual lingo I had never heard of. The circumstances for how this conversation came about are irrelevant but once the door was opened with a description of "felching", it was a rush by each of them to share their knowledge of the slang for acts so bizarre, I couldn't help but listen.

Now, I was never the most adventurous fornicator in my youth and that has not changed into adulthood. There are a handful of basic positions that seem to do the job in the Pleasure Department. I have never had the desire to "experiment" to any great degree but, while not being a prude, I don't deny the right of others to practice whatever they want as long as it does no harm to their partner.

Furthermore, I had no reason to believe either boy had any direct experience with any the following but their enthusiasm was matched only by my revulsion as they described:
  • felching: The act of sucking semen from your partner's anus
  • dirty sanchez: The act of wiping your partner's fecal matter across her upper lip
  • donkey punch: The act of punching your partner in the back of the head while penetrating anally, thereby increasing the force of the anal contractions
  • rusty trombone: The act of analingus by while masturbating your partner (mimicking the slide of a trombone with the penis)
As you might guess, the language above is my translation of their description. Once I learned that these acts even exist (and can never unlearn) I had to wonder how a practice I cold never imagine in the first place was common enough to even have a nickname? Should I have come up with any of these, and had the guts to suggest trying it to my partner, I would certainly never share it with the outside world.

However, it would seem that not only are there enough people "doing" them, they occur enough to give them a nickname. Rather than say "He, I took dump on my girlfriend's chest last night," a person need only say " I did a Cleveland Steamer on my girlfriend."

Am I the only one surprised by this?

Read more at Dogs and Jeans


Oilfield Trash said...

I knew one of those terms during my youth. The others I learned as an adult from my friends via that website.

ChopperPapa said...

Oilfield Trash is correct, you get can them all at urban dictionary....some of freaking hysterical!

Raquel's World said...

WOW! I have three teens of my own and two step teens. I was so prepared for what ever you were gonna throw my way...
tossing the salad
But uh you got me. That is shocking!

Bijoux said...

I've also stumbled across those on UrbanDictionary.

Funny stuff, until you have daughters.....

KittyCat said...

Yeah I dont think I would want to hear my kids tell me that kinda crap.
I guess I like to be in the dark. sorta
However, sadly I have heard of the word "donkey punch" before. ; (

beth said...

I'm with are these things so 'popular' (probably showing my age by simply using that word, right?!) They seem kind of gross and messy. I prefer good old fashioned licking chocolate off your partner's.....anywhere....myself!

UP said...


And you forgot "snowballing"


Amber said...

Hahahaha, it's true, you can never unlearn these descriptions!

seo company kanpur said...

I think you are true.Teenage has become synonymous with the word rebellion.

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