Friday, January 30, 2009

What's next??

I got some parental advise from my seven-year-old the other day. She is concerned with the way I am bringing up her little sister - the 4-year-old who thinks she is 18.

Seems Savannah is trying to make up for the fact that I don't have their mother around to make sure I don't screw my kids up too much with the way I raise them. Cute for sure, however, what the hell does she know about molding a young child?

After all, I have been doing it on my own for four years and aside from telling Shelby to hide a quarter her in mouth to keep it away from Savannah two years ago, I think I have done a pretty good job. (Shelby would go on to swallow the quarter and we would end up spending the rest of the day in the emergency room.)

In addition to making sure they are provided for, I read to them every day, help them with homework, play games with them, let them apply makeup to my face, wake up at a ridiculous time on the weekends to make them pancakes, and never go out at night because I feel guilty about them spending so much time with a babysitter while I work.

What could I possibly be doing wrong?

"I just think you need to do some things differently around Alani,'' Vanna said.

"And what is that baby? Don't be afraid... just tell me."

"You need to stop saying bad words around her. Me and Shelby know that just because you say them doesn't mean we can. I am worried Alani will be saying them all the time at school when she starts Kindergarten next year. It's bad, Daddy."

Wow. . . just like that, I was speechless. She had a point. I do spew out four letter words a lot in the house. I don't direct them at my girls, but they leave my mouth quite regularly. And Alani has gotten pretty good at including them in her own vocabulary.

I always tell her not to, but it hasn't seemed to deter her too much. It probably doesn't help that the girls and I laugh after hearing Alani talk as if she is walking the halls of my high school. Some of her classic sayings that have brought laughter from her siblings and I include:

"What the fuck did you do that for?" Said after I hit the back of her mouth while brushing her teeth recently.

"This is bullshit... I am going to play with my Barbies." Said after being frustrated at losing when playing the game Sorry with the rest of us.

"Dad, don't you think Hannah Montana is cool as shit?" That one needs no explanation.

And her favorite and one that was said recently while I had some coaching friends over watching an NFL playoff game. "More fucking football? Don't you watch anything else?"

Did I mention she is four?

After replaying all this in my head for a few minutes, Vannah brought me back to the present by asking me, "Don't you think it will be your fault if she is cussing in class next year and in trouble all the time? What do you think she is going to say to the teacher when she is told that snack time is over?"

I answered her, "What the fuck? I am not done yet."

"Yea, Daddy. You have to stop it around her."

She was right. Son of a bitch, she was right. I gave up smoking last week, now I have to stop cussing?

I hate to think of what's next.

Posted by CoachDad


Anonymous said...

Very nice...and man how I can relate! We/I get 'parenting tips' from our kids all the time and ...who the fuck is the parent anyway? I am thinking of withholding food for each 'tip' I get...see if that helps!

Thanks for the post!

Brandy Rose said...

You'll have to start saying stuff like "Fudge sickle!" and "Oh sugar!"

Heinous said...

It was a rough road for me. Luckily the worst my son calls out is "Jesus H. Christ."

Daddy Geek Boy said...


Just coming to the realization that the little sponges I'm living with absorb everything. Both me and my "sailor mouthed" wife are working on it.

Jamie Dawn said...

That's a crack up how your daughter is bossing you around like that and making you clean up your language. Very cute, and by the way... she's right!

SweetPeaSurry said...

I was pretty lucking raising my two darlings (as they were of the canine darling variety) and I didn't have to worry about them repeating anything I said.

I really need to make a trip to the pet store, before I think about having babies or something.

He he ... that is a really hilarious conversation though.

Rhea said...

That's a lot to up smoking and cussing all in a week or so. WOW.

But, I have to agree. Bad habits have to go. Although, when you're the one and only parent...that sucks.

My older son offers up parenting advice on how to deal with my younger son all the damn time. It pisses me off most of the time.

BCS is BS said...

Just love this post...too funny. Nice new site!

BCS is BS said...

Just love this post...too funny. Nice new site!

Me said...

Hilarious!! At four saying those statements. I hate it when the kids offer us advice.

michelle said...

I teach middle school, those kids are always giving me parenting advice... just by their existence! Yeah, looks like your kid made some valid points though. Sorry, man.

creative kerfuffle said...

omg--the boy (9) and the girl (12) had this exact convo w/ the hubs this weekend. when they were younger he was much better at watching the language, but now that the kids are a bit older he lets the words fly.

T said...

I feel like I'm hangin' out in a room full of testosterone. I'm loving this blog SO much.

This post is fuckin' hilarious.

Hannah Montana is cool as shit. Ha!

Lilly said...

WOW thats incredibly cute and hysterically funny. You really really really NEED to record her saying this stuff so we can see. pleeeeasseee????

I'll have a very hard time censoring myself, for sure.

Youngblood4ever said...

HAHAHAHAHA! They listen all to well to us, don't they. Good luck on the cussing. It's a tough one!

Anjeny said...

Really funny and cute, your daughter I mean. Really unnerving how the little dears soak up everything we say.

Love this post. Good job giving up on the smoking, healthy for everyone in the long run....I sincerely wish you luck on the cussing, tho. That's a tough one.

The Me/ The Wife/ The Mom said...

LOL! Hilarious! There is nothing funnier than a 4 year old cursing. long as it's not MY year old. And long as it's not any kid who hangs out with my 4 year old.

Honestly, if you can't stop cursing, don't...just do it in a different language. She'll be bilingual and you won't have issues in school. :)

MacDaddy said...

Yea man... my daughter is 19 months old and I have a son due in 3 weeks... we are constantly having to watch what we say. But, damn, it is hard sometimes!!

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