Thursday, January 22, 2009

Moments Of Clarity

Admittedly, as a guy…no, wait…as an odd guy, I sometimes have some crazy ideas. You know…those ideas that sound ingenious at the time but then when repeating it the next day…are outlandishly ridiculous.

That being said, last night I had one of my ‘moments of clarity.’ I am not sure where it came from, but man…I had it all planned out. I was so excited about this new (make believe) company…I decided to name it “Ex-Site.” It would be a web-based store where people could send their disgruntled former partners ‘gifts.’

The line of ‘gifts’ that I came up with was freaking brilliant…well…brilliant in a sort of psychotic way. I would offer items such as; bags of poop - with your choice of (human, dog, cat or cow), asparagus pee in a sport bottle (labeled lemon lime), poo cupcakes (with vanilla frosting), bag of vomit (your choice of foods), diarrhea…and the grand finally….a dozen red roses (actually a bouquet of used tampons). All of the above items would be gift wrapped with ribbons and fancy wrapping. Cards would be attached reading, “From Your Secret Admirer” or “Missing You”.

All of the items would be shipped from random post offices with no return addresses.

So then, while talking to Manic Mariah about it…we thought about how illegal it would be. We had no clue. I looked it up this morning. After cracking up at some of the search results that came up after typing “What is illegal to send through the mail” into Google…I found that if I were caught, it would be a Federal offense, and that sending human waste/biohazard material is …I’m guessing….not a good move.

Well…That idea is off the books. Back to the drawing board…hmmmmmm

You guys have any good ideas for me?

Posted By BedsideTalesMan

7 comments:

Rhea said...

haha Cute idea. LOVE it. Gross, but hilarious.

I'm always trying to think of good new business ideas. It's all about customer service these days. People are sick of dealing with foreign customer service help or computers...the better customer service you have, the better value your company or service.

I'll think of something...

Harmony said...

Your ideas are great. But are'nt they abit too stinky for the postman to handle it. Haha its a good idea, but maybe you can just change the stuffs you intend to send over.

Coachdad said...

I have two exes I would like to send some pooh to....too funny!

nitebyrd said...

Not a bad idea. There used to be a place where you could send a dozen dead roses with a stuffed realistic dead rat to your ex-loved one. I thought that was brilliant.

I particularly like your asparagus pee idea.

Southern Sage said...

you only eliminated (pun intended) the human waste. I assure you that "doe in heat" urine is far more rank than anything you listed as is skunk scent and you can buy that over the counter at Wal-Mart sure you can ship that through the USPS.

There ya go, I'll have 5% of all DIH and skunk scent.

Trooper Thorn said...

Too bad so many good ideas, like a sack you can keep troublesome relatives in, are against the law.

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