Monday, July 11, 2011

What's Wronge With the Internet?

In addition to being a Hot Dad (and Smokin' Husband), I publish a daily politics and current events satire blog over at Dogs and Jeans. I was doing some reviews of the site traffic statistics this weekend and became puzzled over some of the data related to key words. As many of you know, much traffic to websites can be gained by using words or phrases that are popular in search engines. For example, if many people want to read about Casey Anthony, they might type her name into a Google or Yahoo search. If you include a reference to Casey Anthony in your blog, your post could pop up as a possible source of information for that person. Because I've written "Casey Anthony" twice (now three times), this posting itself might be on the Google search results now.

I understand that and will often choose news items to lampoon based on what is currently trending on the Internet. I was surprised then to learn that many of my readers arrive at Dogs and Jeans by entering key words completely unrelated to what I've been writing about. In fact, some of the phrases are downright strange.

  1. Demotivation: This is the most common Google search that brings people in. This is not surprising as one of the most popular weekly features I have are the Friday Demotivational Posters. Often they are themed (e.g. animals or boobs) and gathered from around the web as well as posting originals posters.
  2. Maria Shriver Naked: Here's where it stars to get weird. I have only mentioned Maria Shriver twice in the three years I've been posting and never specifically described her as 'naked'. One post did list a number of celebrities who should be featured in Playboy ahead of Lindsey Lohan. That list also included Steve Buscemi and The Borg Queen. However, 'Steve Buscemi naked' is not driving traffic to read the post.

    More troubling is the notion that there are people out there searching for naked imaged of Maria Shriver. Really? Maria Shriver? With the veritable cornucopia of fashion models, celebrities and amateur porn stars available, how is searching for naked 56 year old Kennedys?
  3. McDonald's Uniform: Another puzzler. Only five Dogs and Jeans posts reference McDonald's and nothing specific to the uniform. I did once post a photo of Queen Elizabeth wearing one behind the counter, but I don't think people are looking for that. Unless they are and that's really odd.
  4. Presidents: We have to wait until #4 for it to make sense. I have written plenty about the US presidents, some of it legitimate (okay only a little bit legitimate) and lots of lampooning. Did you know that William Henry Harrison's term in office was limited to 32 days due to peanut allergies? It wasn't but if you update his wikipedia page with that information, it becomes fact.
  5. Fat Actress: And back to the crazy searches. I have certainly mentioned Kirstie Alley occasionally for a laugh, but she has not been a staple of my satire. Perhaps people are not searching for her specifically. Maybe there is a group of men out there who just like fat actresses of any sort. If I post about Cameron Mannheim or Shelley Winters, will Google bring more Fat Actress Fans in?
  6. 50 States: One very popular piece I post each July 4 is my homage to each of the 50 states. Not exactly schoolroom material, but still fun.
  7. Biking Shorts Bulge: I'm at a loss with this phase. I have never written about biking shorts bulges or posted pictures of them (to my knowledge). Who is sitting down at the computer (likely in a public library) and typing "biking shorts bulge"? It's just weird. It's not like it's something funny like "yoga pants camel toe".
All in all it makes me wonder if it's worth making the effort to be topical if people are only reading my posts because they typed in "Ukrainian Nipple Cleansing" or "Brad Pitt Eating a Turkey Sandwich" into a Google search.


Fizzgig said...

you gotta love the ability to see who visits by keywords! My biggest hit is chiclephobia, and fat ass.

If I'd have known how popular fat asses were, maybe I'd have thought twice about embarking on my weight loss journey?!

Trooper Thorn said...

Fizzgig: I keep searching "ass fat" and never get to you. I'll have to switch the words.

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Krissy said...

Just because you attract some weirdos with some peculiar searches doesn't mean your topical ideas aren't great. I am going to just laugh and press on because it's too disturbing to think about why people search for some of the things they do.

Nicole said...

Oh, hahaha! The search terms that bring people to my blog are usually obscene and poorly spelled, such as bois sex girlz in there house. Something is wrong with kids these days, I will tell you. Also I had a lot of blog hits when I talked about my varicose vein stripping. I think they were looking for actual regular CLOTHES stripping, not the surgical kind. How disappointing for those people, I think.

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LiteralDan said...

Hi... I got here looking for "yoga pants camel toe" and let me say that I am beyond disappointed that you not only offer me NO new information or pictures on this topic, but that you also seem to be making fun of me...

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Dr Zibbs said...

Look at the joy on the face of that McDonald's worker.

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Write My Paper For Me said...

Depends from person to person, i'm not saying Mcd is healthy, but its fast food its not supposed to be -i've seen someone have mac-dee's their entire life and not gain a pound! *envious, pretty much*
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